“Movies That Aren’t Complete Shit” will be turning into a video series, and I will be converting all previously written reviews into videos. Here is the first one.

This is page one of a comic book that I’m working on called Reggie and Friends, the first (and hopefully not final) issue of which will more than likely be titled “Natural Born Helpers”.

I’ll post the entire Gallagher conversation (at least 4 pages) as a preview once the whole comic is finished.

I used my Wacom pen exclusively.

CLICK HERE

ON EWOKS!

The Ewoks are awesome.  The cute teddy bear appearance is a façade, hiding the untamed spirit of a savage and the burning soul of a warrior. Here are a few things to consider if you are anti-Ewok or on the fence: 

• The Ewoks were going to eat Luke, Han and Chewbacca.  In fact, their thirst for flesh and blood was so strong, that when their new God (C-3PO) first told them not to eat our heroes, Logray, the village medicine man, basically said “Fuck that, God, we’re eating these losers.”  They spat in God’s face.  Then they laughed at him.  Plus, the Ewoks were going to cook the trio alive!  That’s hardcore!

• Consider too that the Ewoks also have great taste and know true beauty when they see it, the reason behind not only deciding to not cook Princess Leia with the others, but to also braid her hair and give her a new dress (belonging to the victim of a previous “cookout”?).

• Their chosen ways of slaughtering Stormtroopers, though cartoony, are pretty gruesome and extreme.   Would you want to be in this AT-ST?  What’s this movie rated again?

• After defeating the Empire, the Ewoks cut off the Stormtroopers’ heads and use them as drums!  You could theorize and even argue that the helmets are empty, but I wouldn’t put it passed these vicious space-Pygmies.  And what of the Stormtroopers’ bodies?  They had to serve something at that party!

• With a body of fur, their hoods serve no practical purpose, so the Ewoks’ developed sense of fashion must be taken into account.

• If you think that the Ewoks overthrowing the Empire is too far-fetched and ridiculous, just remember this:  They didn’t.  They lead this particular battle to victory.  They overthrew the locally stationed Scout Troopers by taking them by surprise and by having the home team advantage.  The Ewoks played a pivotal role, but the real victory was led by Lando Calrissian and Admiral Ackbar in space.

• Although primitive, the Ewoks have already mastered hang gliding! 

• They had the patience to put up this bozo!

• Their braveness and sense of loyalty knows no bounds:  They protected the bozo above and his sister from a giant… well… Look at this thing!  And they won!  We’re not dealing with pussies here.

• If you feel that the Ewoks exist only to sell toys, I would like to point out that only FOUR ewoks were created for the original action figure line.

• Their kickin’ tunes!

  Celebrate the love!-          Andy Merriman (Jan. 19, 2008) 

For more Ewok love, here’s a song from about 7 years ago.  I co-wrote the tune with Loren Pilcher and he performs it.  David Toy provides the sweet beats. 

The Blues Brothers
1980. John Landis.

The Blues Brothers was the first movie to be based on characters from Saturday Night Live, and is arguably the best. The movie, which is essentially a musical, is a love letter to blues music and musicians, and contains numbers by many legendary musicians, including Cab Calloway, Aretha Franklin and James Brown.

The film follows brothers Jake and Elwood Blues (John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd) as they, on a mission from God, attempt to put their old band back together to raise money for an orphanage, while being chased by the police, a redneck country/western band, a group of Illinois-based Nazis and a mysterious woman.

The whole thing feels absolutely epic (partly because its so damn long), which is a huge accomplishment from director John Landis, considering the fact that it’s a comedy and the plot is relatively thin, but everything in here is so big, exaggerated and over the top and it all works perfectly. The Blues Brothers isn’t a movie. It’s a monster, a gigantic musical beast.

It also features one of the most entertaining car chase sequences ever filmed. A couple of them, actually.

John Candy, Henry Gibson, Carrie Fisher, Frank Oz and even Steven Spielberg appear in small roles.

Return of the Jedi
1983.  Richard Marquand.

From the mysterious, underworld palace of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt, filled with a variety of imaginative aliens and giant monsters, to the flying motorcycle chases through the vast forests of Endor, Return of the Jedi has everything.  The film delivers more creatures, more effects and more action than the two previous instalments in the Star Wars trilogy, but what really makes Return of the Jedi great is the struggle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, and more importantly, between Darth Vader and himself, as Luke attempts to turn his father back to the side of good.  Forget what the nay sayers say (nay), this is pure, unadulterated entertainment.

And the Ewoks are more than “just a bunch of Muppets.”